Sonic Somber Lullably

Why am I always impressed with unusually mundane music?

Interpol's "Turn On the Bright Lights" is pure bliss. It makes me think this signifies the New York music scene, I can almost see the dark, lonely city when I listen to "Obstacle 1" or "Stella Was a Diver and She was Always Down". I think the album really comes to fruition not in "Obstacle 2" as some would might think.... but I really like "Roland" and "The New". AWESOME TRACKS! The later really works me into a good mood.

Speaking of bands from New York, a band called A Place to Bury Strangers (some apparently really-indie shoegazer, dark wave, Jesus and the Mary Chain soundalike band)... that is self-described the "loudest band in New York," recently was excused (or kicked out of) a CMJ show for being too loud (go figure). I am not the big of fan of shoegazer (I find it to be the purest form of elitism), but they didn't sound that bad. I did cross into 19 days of music on the iTunes account, so I don't think I'll ever buy a record, but.....

I did also suspend my credit card from iTunes because I spend WAY too much money. Good for me!

Today, I finished my Saints in Art and Latin exams, which I think I did beautifully on both. Tomorrow is the good ole Anthropology and Catholic Morality... which both look pretty good. Did I mention I got into an argument with a classmate of mine (of whom I graduated with at CBC) on the topic of professional wrestling. Lets back up a bit...

He posted me on facebook acouple of days ago, saying something like that I hated him. I told him I didn't hate him, by no means, I just got frustrated with him. He ventured on to ask why and of course being on facebook and not incurring the wrath of this gentlemen, I told him why. I said occasional he acted rather irrational about certain topics that kind of irked me... 

The end of the argument for space and time came to this... I made the comment that a number of people make some ridiculously offensive remarks about me entering the seminary, my faith in God and the Church, and so on and so forth. I take these quite passively, because I don't want to sound judgmental.... Of course, he brings up me attack professional wrestling (because I don't like it very much)... I said professional wrestling and religion are two different things. He said they weren't. So me entering the seminary is sorta like him paying $30 for a Pay-Per-View event.

To Cameron my friend: Professional wresting = Religion

I honestly can't believe I have to defend against this. Of course, everyone in this circle of friends understands not me, but him. As if I'm the judgmental one for thinking such outlandish things like a transcendental being writing on our hearts the desire to know and love Him is in no way compared to watching some bald, juiced up, retard smash a chair on someone's head. To me this sounds so completely ridiculous. I just can't believe he is one hundred percent serious. This guy also has relativism to the nth degree down pat, its so imbued in his brain that he couldn't possibly think outside his little head. I'm not so frustrated at this as much as I am frustrated at our culture and society for producing such denizens. I mean, I am sure most of my generation can make the difference between sports entertainment and religion. I honestly don't freaking care what you consider entertainment as long as its not immoral. There is so much running in our generation that is making us eat ourselves alive. We have some bright lights, those involved in the Faith are more prone to orthodoxy, thats impressive considering everything they've been "taught" about religion to be true. Its those other people out there, who think movies like "Saw" are really descent entertainment and who's only concern is what Paris Hilton is doing. There is so much of a dichotomy in our generation from holy to ugly and profane. Where are we headed? Right towards a collision course... there will be many casualties.

Our Lady of America. Pray for us.

I'm Always Late

Yes, I haven't written on my blog in awhile...

I am officially 1/6 done with my freshman year of college. Tomorrow I am taking my Saints in Art and Latin exam and I will be 1/2 done.

As of late, I've been through mess of musical phases. I bought the new Raconteurs album, which is much more upbeat and I guess... harder than "Broken Boy Soldiers"... I don't usually rate albums with scores, but only in comparison to other albums of the same artist or genre. You can't put Jars of Clay up against Mastodon... two different styles of music. Anyways, better than their first but there still something I liked off the first that isn't on the second. The last track called "Carolina Drama" has the story (sorta) resembled like "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia". Nine Inch Nails also self-released another album called "The Slip". With a couple of listens, I can tell this a better Trent Reznor than "With Teeth"... I'm still listening to "With Teeth" today, can't get over "Right Where You Belong"... little piano in the background, with his soft voice and thundering beats saturated here and there. He always goes off with a soft note... expect for "The Slip" which has we wondering whether if he wanted to break the mold with this released being freed from major labels. Still, I don't think either of these efforts will match his "Pretty Hate Machine", "Downward Spiral" or "The Fragile" releases....

Now for the last hour or so memorizing Art History paintings, I listened to The Postal Service and David Crowder*Band.

Enough with the music.

The week, with everything ending and coming at me at the same time, makes my mind a little frayed. Honestly, I haven't been faithful with praying my Breviary... I just realized at 9:22 that I haven't prayed Evening Prayer. (sigh)... I don't want to think "Oh I'm only a freshmen"... that seems lame. I keep thinking, "What I do as a seminarian, I will do as a priest." I thought I would go into the seminary with that in mind... and keep living up to it. I haven't been keeping that in mind this year as much as I wanted to have. Sure, I make it down to chapel early enough, but when I get there, I'm so tired I can't really pray "productively". I recite the Office and move on to a mixture between dozing off and praying words of struggle to stay awake. In the afternoon, besides Mondays, my time in the chapel has been awesome... when I make it there. If I'm not wasting time in my room surfing the internet, doing homework... or other useless activities, I'm sleeping. Next year, I want to take hold of my time much better than I do now. I think that its too late to start good habits because in less than two weeks summer will be here and things will be so different.

"If I'm out of my mind, its you."

Now, I guess I'll explain the title of my blog. Sadly I picked a Depeche Mode song... "All I ever wanted, All I ever needed, was you in my heart..." Even sadder, I learned of that song from a cover done by a straight up hardcore band called Evergreen Terrace. I used to like them alot, but now not so much... 

Spring in Wintertime

I received my schedule for next semester. Everything is not exactly how I wanted it (is it ever that way)...

Physical Geography

Introduction to Earthquakes

U.S. Diplomatic History from 1900 to 1945*

General Psychology

Ecclesiastical Latin (Latin III)

Liturgy and Sacraments

I want to drop that history class because diplomacy seems rather boring. I looked at the classes available to replace it and it looks like I only have "Foundations of Political Theory". I'd rather get rid of something I don't like and replace it with something I'll eventually need whether or not I like it or not. I also looked at the English classes and some other History classes that couldn't fit into my schedule and I am looking forward to second semester sophomore year already.

I started up writing poetry again, which hasn't produced any good efforts thus far. (has it ever?)

I've come to the conclusion... more thoughts on music. Well, even serious sounding music like classical music or music with heavy themes to it, despite its want to reach something much greater, all still sounds silly. Some music really beckons the soul to prayer, such as "Miserere Mei, Deus" or gives one up to the harshness and chaos of certain ideas like "So We Did" or "Grinning Mouths" by ISIS. Speaking of silly music, I downloaded "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.,

...

ALL I WANT TO DO IS *BANG BANG BANG BANG* AND *CLICK OF PISTOL AND MONEY DRAWER CLOSES* TAKE YOUR MONEY.

Its so awesomely stupendous. Its on a trailer for a movie called "Pineapple Express" which looks like an American take on Hot Fuzz (which is an British take on American action flicks). Pitchfork Media went nuts over this song, but I ignored it because I had some like pride issues. Like I can't help but feel just a little gay when listening to "D.A.N.C.E." by Justice. Same deal. Both songs, despite being Electronica and sort of umm effeminate sounding, are great songs. Electronica music can't ever be taken that seriously though...

I have been listening to quite a bit of Thrice. The Alchemy Index has taken its hold on me. Comparing it Vheissu, I think the former still has its domination over those elemental Indexes... but songs like "The Lion and the Wolf", "The Whaler", and "Child of Dust" really pack some power. The ending to "Child of Dust" hit me like a ton of bricks, but I really didn't understand why they did it that way. Sure it sounded waay cool dude, but I had to listen to it a couple of times to understand its grandeur with the lyrics. Dustin Kenscrue has an impeccable song writing ability, especially adding all the Christian imagery soaking into every facet of their songs.... yet he does it without being preachy or even being subtly preaching. Many Christian bands nowadays barely mention the name of Jesus, but still holding an obvious tone of preachiness to their sound... Thrice coming from a scene which did not consider them Christian but "just a band"... has a great advantage. Vheissu packs a greater overall punch, but the Alchemy Index Volumes have their own distinctive quality.

Finally finished "The Science of Sleep" this afternoon... 

7.5 out of 10

The END.

Rage Against a Tired Throat

Pending thoughts: The first of two bad weeks is over. Praise the Lord!

I said I would put on here my top 25 albums and would have except I couldn't find the paper on which they were printed on... I think I have top 10 in my head and I know 25-20... I think. I don't know, I'm a nut all the time. I remake this list every year and I already have some additions. The reason I put this together came when my sister put together verbally her top 25 songs. I can't do that, art is not as objective as theology or science and its hard to say which Arcade Fire song on "Funeral" would necessarily stand out.

25) ISIS: Panopticon

24) Ryan Adams: Love is Hell

23) Blindside: The Great Depression

22) Living Sacrifice: The Hammering Process

21) Jars of Clay: Who We Are Instead

20) Radiohead: Kid A

19) Wilco: Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

18) Mastodon: Blood Mountain

17) The Mars Volta: De-Loused in Commatorium

16) Radiohead: Amnesiac

15) Arcade Fire: Neon Bible

14) mewithoutYou: Catch For Us the Foxes

13) Project 86: Drawing Black Lines

12) Norma Jean: Bless the Martyr, Kiss the Child

11) Sufjan Stevens: Greetings From Michigan, the Great Lake State

10) The Juliana Theory: Emotion is Dead

9) Neutral Milk Hotel: In the Aeroplane, Over the Sea

8) ZAO: Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest

7) Thrice: Vheissu

6) Arcade Fire: Funeral

5) Sufjan Stevens: Come On and Feel the Illinoise!

4) Radiohead: OK Computer

3) David Crowder*Band: A Collision

2) ZAO: Liberate Te Ex Inferis (Save Yourself From Hell)

1) mewithoutYou: Brother, Sister

Possible Additions**/Honorable Mentions

At the Drive-In: Relationship of Command

Coldplay: Parachutes

David Crowder*Band: Illuminate

He Is Legend: Suck Out the Poison

Thrice: The Artist in the Ambulance

Thrice: The Alchemy Index Volumes: I-IV

ZAO: Funeral of God

The Beatles: Abbey Road**

The Beach Boys: Pet Sounds**

Interpol: Turn On the Bright Lights**

Rage Against the Machine: The Battle of Los Angeles**

Summer, combustion, indifference

Apparently, likened to what I've heard about the Beach Boys... Death Cab for Cutie means spring has come. The Forbidden Love EP has been ringing in my ears all day. "Photobooth" and "Company Calls Epilogue" stand out. I notice right off the bat now (after listening to a significant amount of Elliott Smith) how much he has on Ben Gibbard's voice. Of course, I like Ben Gibbard's voice better, his approach is less abrasive and more pleasing to the ear. Enough with the Sword and their stoner metal depression, I want sweet melodies to bring in the sunshine!

Funny side note: I bet in about two weeks, I'll put on High on Fire's "Death is This Communion" and find some musical joy in its chaos. I don't know whether or not its my rebellious teenager sticking around it to the man (being myself). I don't understand how I can come out of my room after hearing "The Two Dead Boys" by the Chariot and act any happier. Maybe its the venting that clears my stoic emotions. The lyrics "sell your soul to the devil" really don't ring in any jovial thoughts. I am having some hard time reconciling this music (the music itself and not the lyrics) with how it effects me. It should, in all logistics, put me in some lethargic rage (if that makes any sense). It could be He Is Legend or ISIS, in the name of all thats true and beautiful this is certainly not either of those.

I found this in my history class's source book. I thought it to be profound. Its a testimony from a survivor of Auschwitz. "A tremendous number of transports were coming in. The gas chambers could not keep up, so they were burning people in huge pits. Some of the smaller children were thrown in alive. We could hear the screams day and night, but sometimes the human mind can take just so much and then it just closes up and refuses to accept what is happening just 100, 200 feet away." I could never give justice to describe the horror of the Holocaust. I saw "Schindler's List". I went to the National Holocaust museum in Washington, D.C. and felt so ashamed to be human. That last part though, is what penetrated me. The fact that a person could continually experience so much horror and be indifferent to it. I guess its the human mind's way to cope and continue without combustion. I could even apply to my experiences (in significantly far less spectrum)... or maybe its the current generations effect on me... seeking escapism and not bearing crosses as I should. Just like today, I kept humming "Technocolor Girls" (Death Cab for Cutie) on the way to dropping off my dad's car after hearing he had been sent to the hospital. I should be singing "Miserere Mei, Deus" not anything like that.

Added to the Tank:

Taxi Driver

Reign Over Me

Currently Playing: Summer Skin by Death Cab for Cutie off of Plans.

It Only Continues

Pending thoughts: I tried to think that since Monsignor Gardin hadn't called me, the confirmation was a no-go. His secretary called me today, its still on. *sigh*. Did I mention that my father was sent to hospital today? WORST WEEK EVER!

I hate exaggerating. Sounds like I'm some girl in junior high, omg worst week ever. ahu.

I promise lists and these lists might/not go on the side, I'm thinking no one really cares what I think the greatest film is... or what my top 10 albums of all time are. Boring. Yet, since I think like this... or least somewhat... I'll make room by adding the top 9 films of my most favorite and my top 25 albums.

Film:

9) The Usual Suspects: Most recent addition. Kevin Spacey's performance was nearly brilliant as a cripple. Yes, it was a little slow moving, but the ending sold it.

8) Oldboy: Korean film that was the hardest for me as a Catholic to review. I wouldn't endorse this for a morality class or family viewing. Very disturbing, but one of the best structured, and set up films I ever saw.

7) Shawshank Redemption: There's a reason that this film is number 2 of IMDB's top 250. The warden played one of the most evil characters in film. The art direction of the prison, the message of hope, and everything put together made this one of the most memorable.

6) Big Fish: Tim Burton's masterpiece. Not the typical grotesque, creepy fare, but one of the more imaginative films just in scope of its storyline. Not a bad message either.

5) Dr. Strangelove Or How I Stopped Worrying and Love the Bomb: No exaggeration here, funniest movie I have ever saw. Kubrick's black comedy masterpiece. Sellers' performance(s). The beyond classic lines. "There's no fighting in here, this is a war room." Funny out the outside, freaking hilarious and subtle innuendo.

4) Brazil: Favorite Terry Gillian movie. Possesses all of his best qualities. Weird setting, imaginative special effects, satirical undertones. Ending totally blew me out of the water.

3) Vertigo: Favorite Hitchcock film. Not your typical Hitchcock fare either (Well, it does involve a man running away from something). Made me want to take a nice shower afterwards and thats good for a 1960s film.

2) Lord of the Rings (the trilogy as a whole): Leaves all the rest in the dust. This one and number one are so close. Grand. Epic. Deep. One of the greatest works of story in the last 200 years.

1) 8 1/2: Federico Fellini's masterpiece. My favorite. Surreal. Intoxicating. Involving more than just some silly fascination with women (Fellini's only vice), actually possessing some depth. The conversation with Guido and the "woman from the spring" is my favorite dialogue between two people in any film The direction: flawless. This film has no flaws.

Honorable mentions: City of God, A Beautiful Mind, 2001: A Space Odyssey

More Silence

Pending Thoughts: Terrible week. Crunch time has come. I have two papers due Tuesday, I am MCing a confirmation on Thursday (I fumble around in Novus Ordo Mass), and I have 15 minute presentation on Saint Adalbert of Prague due on Friday. Not to mention the everyday expectations. This is also merely this week, next week there's more.

The New York Papal trip caught me off guard. I did not plan outright for this weekend because I didn't put much to it. I thought it wouldn't matter much. Sure I would see the Pope, possibly shake his hand. There was also those two 22 hour bus rides. I guess I didn't realize the grandeur of the presence of the Vicar of Christ. I guess it finally hit me when we entered the back of the seminary grounds. They predicted 26,000 people to come to this youth rally. When you experience something like World Youth Day in Germany with 1 million people in one giant field.... 26,000 doesn't impress you so much. Number of people aside, there were people freaking everywhere. I didn't exactly move too much... some of us early on went to buy some lunch and this added to my lack of comprehension of the whole size of the crowd. I tried to take pictures of the crowd, but I couldn't get high enough. Oh well. Of notable performances before the Pope: Matt Maher. It seems that he accompanies me in any spiritual resurgence. When I bought his first cd, "the end and the beginning" I played it over and over. I think one time, while trying to fall asleep, I recited the album in my head word for word. He played "Here I Am"... its maybe some David Haas song, but it hit well with the seminarian crowd around the front of the stage. This has a significant impact on me, because of pure humility of the song. "Here I am Lord, Is It I Lord. I have heard you calling in the night. I will go Lord, if you lead me, I will hold your people in my heart." Can anyone say priesthood? Doesn't that describe the priesthood? Beyond that the performances lacked any spiritual impact. A majority of them were Protestant, even they didn't comprehend the presence of the universal church at Her Pope.

Finally the Pope came... with the Cardinals, Archbishops, and Bishops. His presence truly invigorating the whole crowd, much more so than the musical performers. This cohesion of authority in one person so imbued by the Holy Spirit makes the idea of Catholicism so complete, the words of Christ so meaningful and not lacking any ambiguity. His smiles and care bring about a pastoral quality unlike I've seen. Of course my living years have only had two Popes, but this Pope I feel so much more connected. When he touched on vocations and in particular the seminarians, we all yelped "We love you Papa" and this was so sincere. His thoughts on the personal prayer, liturgical prayer, silence(!), and charity, though heard of before, came clear and new. Catholicism is not about the new and trendy, but what has already been said in the Person of Christ. His words met the ears of a bleeding, wounded, and starving church. Our generation is dying to hear what he said about the importance of prayer in community (liturgy) and the personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit has not left the Church in America. My rector noted that while he stood there, his faith in the universal Church and its Savior Christ, was reignited. He stood with the Vicar of Christ and the future priests of the Church, I included. Overall, the Pope re-fired and re-fueled those same fires my rector spoke of. From Matt Maher's "Here I am Lord" to "We Love you Papa" I came to touch that Spirit which is guarding the Roman Catholic Church from the gates of hell.